


Ruki's Struggle

by VampireHydeFTW



Category: Dir en grey, the GazettE
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 06:03:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13117575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireHydeFTW/pseuds/VampireHydeFTW
Summary: When his lover ends up in hospital Ruki realises just how dependent he is on him. Determined to change he does everything in his power to be stronger and more self reliant. Problem is, nobody seems to notice any change in him at all.





	Ruki's Struggle

            Ruki was as pale as a ghost as he sat in the hard plastic chair. His hands trembling in fear as he waited for the news, finally being able to truly relate with those who said they hated hospitals. The white walls, the sterile smells, the six month old magazines on the table, it was all horrible and did nothing to distract him from his fear. _Please let him be all right,_ he silently prayed. To which deity he wasn't so sure.

            “Will he-” Ruki attempted to ask a nurse, but she hurried past, not wanting to deal with his question. She wasn't ignoring him to be rude, but he'd been demanding information for the last couple of hours and was now on his very final warning, misbehave and he was getting thrown out of the hospital. Sighing, Ruki pulled out his phone to try and find a game to play, only to be interrupted by Kaoru's return. They'd both been waiting in the hospital together since the accident. They weren't the best of friends, in fact the only thing they seemed to have in common was that when it came to waiting they were as bad as each other.

            “Here.” Kaoru offered Ruki a hot drink that was probably supposed to be coffee but tasted like 'brown', assuming brown had a taste. Ruki supposed it did. People talked about other colours, such as blue and red, as if they were flavours, so why not brown?

            “Thanks.” Ruki replied on instinct, staring at the door where his boyfriend was being treated by the doctors on the emergency ward. Kyo had gone too far tonight, his stage antics resulting in a pretty terrifying state of self-harm that even the medics on hand had been unable to deal with. His condition had been stated as 'critical' but that was over an hour ago, back when people were willing to give them information.

            “It's good that he's still fighting,” Kaoru reassured Ruki gently. “I think if he was going to die, he would have done so already.”

            “Don't mention that word,” Ruki said, shivering at the thought. What was he meant to do without Kyo? Who would protect him, guide him, watch his back? They were selfish thoughts, Ruki knew, but Kyo meant everything to him and in return he got Ruki's undying loyalty.

            “I'm sorry,” Kaoru began before trailing off. He blamed himself for not stopping Kyo in time. Even thought he was the one who had stopped things from getting worse. Silence hung over the room as the two men sat waiting, neither man quite knowing what to say to the other. Even on an average day, never mind a time when emotions ran high.

            “Kaoru, Ruki,” A doctor said, breaking the silence. Finally someone was here to give some answers. Though his attention was on Kaoru. He clearly recognised Ruki, who had given his real name to the nurse earlier and not his stage name but having no idea why he was here figured he couldn't be as important as Kaoru. It was an understandable mistake that Ruki didn't correct. Kaoru was better at dealing with emergencies anyway. “I'm pleased to say his condition has stabilised and he is conscious, though still very weak from blood loss. He needs-”

            “Thank you!” Ruki exclaimed, jumping up from his seat and wrapping the doctor in a hug. To the doctor’s credit, it didn't surprise him. He was probably used to this kind of thing. “You saved him? Really? He'd going to be OK?”

            “I don't joke about the conditions of my patients,” The doctor replied. “I would advise you both that it's only usually family visitors for emergency patients, but he seems pretty determined that Ruki should be allowed in, so I will allow it.”

            “He's stubborn,” Kaoru said with a shrug, “You go Ruki. Tell him I wasn't allowed in, will you?” Satisfied that Kaoru wasn't going to cause a scene, the doctor made his apologises and left. Ignoring the doctor now he was gone, the two men entered the room where just a nurse was waiting.

            “We have permission from the doctor. Can we be alone?” Kaoru requested, as Ruki ran to Kyo's side with just enough self-control not to throw himself onto his lover’s vulnerable body.

            “Kyo you idiot! You had me so worried.” Ruki broke down, clutching Kyo's hand as a couple of tears appeared in his eyes. He knew he was supposed to be strong, but he wasn't and he couldn't pretend to be. He could be cool, fun, clever or resourceful but he was still weak beneath it all.

            “I know,” Kyo reassured him, using the hand that wasn't at risk of being broken in Ruki's grasp to stroke his lover’s hair. “But you know I'd never leave you.”

            “It took three pints of blood to keep you here though,” Kaoru said, with an accusatory tone. He was mad that the live had been ruined, now he no longer worried for Kyo's life. Ruki could hardly blame him. Kyo had been stupid to go so far, but he didn't want a scene. Not here. Couldn't it wait until Kyo was at least out of the hospital?

            “I'm sorry.” Kyo replied and the confrontational moment seemed to pass. The apology was enough.

            “You should be, Ruki is completely hopeless without you,” Kaoru scolded. He was teasing but his words rang true to Ruki's ears. He really was hopeless without his lover, without his friends, without his family, his manager and co-workers. Always somebody had been there to look after him. He'd never had to truly be independent and he had never seen this as a problem, until now.

 

            Ruki pondered this over the next few days whilst he stayed in his own home, alone and lonely as Kyo remained in hospital. They'd threatened to put him on suicide watch, something Kaoru had convinced the doctor wasn't necessary, but it would still take a few days for Kyo to be well enough to come home.

            Loyally, Ruki had visited every day frustrated with the visiting hours that prevented him staying by Kyo's side. His free time was spent worrying, no longer about Kyo but about himself. He hated the way he had reacted to the threat on his boyfriend’s life, how weak and pathetic he had felt and how selfish. It wasn't right that he depended on Kyo so much, but even as he thought that he wondered how Kyo would react to his new desire for independence.

            Finally the day came when Kyo could come home and Ruki took it upon himself to arrange everything himself. He wasn't going to get help, not from anybody. This was the new Ruki, independent and strong. He needed to break the habit of relying on others to get things done. So far Kyo hadn't seemed to notice any changes which frustrated Ruki. He refused to mention it though. If Kyo didn't notice then he hadn't changed.

            “If it's OK I thought we could just watch a film?” Kyo suggested but before Ruki could answer he had opened the front door and seen what lay on the other side. “What is this?”

            “I decorated for you,” Ruki boasted proudly, seeing only the silver banner that hung more or less straight and the vase of flowers he had left on a small table he had pulled too the middle of the room.

            “There's glitter everywhere.” Kyo remarked, seeing nothing but an explosion in a glitter factory instead of the wonderland Ruki had been aiming for. It was all over the floor, the stairs, the table and the flowers upon it.

            “Well I was going to leave a trail to the bedroom but it kind of went wrong so I just decorated everywhere with it.” Ruki confessed. Perhaps he had gone a little bit over the top. Was that possible?

            “Only you,” Kyo said shaking his head and placing a kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead. “Really you didn't have to do all of this.”

            “But I wanted to,” Ruki said, watching as Kyo went to examine the flowers. So far this was going about as well as he could have expected. “Want to go have a bath?”

            “I just said I wanted to watch a film,” Kyo replied, looking at Ruki as if he had just developed a brain disease.

            “But I want a bath,” Ruki pouted.

            “Then go have one. I can always watch a film alone.” Kyo replied.

            “I want a bath with you,” Ruki said with a sexy pout.

            “I leave you for a few days and come back to a sex starved lunatic.” Kyo remarked, though really what choice did he have? When Ruki looked as tempting as he did now he'd have to be straight to say no. “I'm not supposed to get my bandages wet though.”

            “Oh,” Ruki said, his smile faltering, “Well we can just watch TV. It's fine.”

            “It's not fine,” Kyo said as Ruki sulked off into the living room. “Ruki please, what's going on? Have I done something?”

            “It's not you, it's me,” Ruki replied throwing himself down on the sofa and staring at the TV with a sour expression.

            “Ruki?” Kyo questioned but getting no answer he decided to ignore him and went to choose a film. Sulking was a nasty habit of Ruki's, one he tried not to encourage. “How's this one?”

            “Whatever you want is fine,” Ruki muttered, hugging a cushion to his chest. With a sigh Kyo put the DVD in, though he muted the TV leaving it playing the adverts silently.

            “I'm really sorry. I got carried away in the moment but that's no excuse to make you worry.” Kyo apologised. Surely that was the issue here?

            “I'm pathetic,” Ruki commented. “I'm not saying it for pity, it's the truth. All I could think when you were injured was about how I was supposed to cope without you. How can you love somebody so selfish? I'm a terrible person.”

            “Ruki, don't think like that,” Kyo begged. “You're loving and kind and understand me even though not many do. You do everything I ever ask from you, how is that selfish? It's OK to worry about how you're going to cope you know, everyone does it because we're all born selfish. Compassion comes later on.”

            “I'm making you worry,” Ruki apologised, feeling terrible. This was the last thing he had ever wanted.

            “Just evening the playing field.” Kyo corrected placing his lips over Ruki's relieved when his lover responded to the kiss, his arms wrapping around him pulling him close. His wounds stung at the pressure but he wouldn't break this kiss for anything.

            The DVD already forgotten, it had been a stupid idea anyway, he pushed Ruki down on the sofa beneath him, straddling his lover as they kissed. The remote control falling harmlessly to the floor, forgotten just like the film it controlled.

            Perhaps he should have been more loving from the start? Affection wasn't his strongest trait but he did try to show how much he cared. Besides he had put Ruki through so much and the younger man was clearly still suffering from the stress. Well tonight he'd change that. He broke the kiss long enough to strip away his own t-shirt and pull open Ruki's shirt. He waited with a questioning look as Ruki stared at his wounds.

            “I'm not in any pain,” He lied with an uncharacteristically shy smile. He would be the first to admit his chest was a mess of bruises, scratches and stitches and wouldn't be offended if Ruki found it repulsive.

            “If you're sure,” Ruki said doubtfully. The lust was still in his eyes and with a smile Kyo returned his lips to Ruki's, kissing him with a commanding force that Ruki automatically submitted to. This was always the way and even Ruki had forgotten that he was supposed to be in charge tonight. He was to used to allowing Kyo to do as he pleased.

            With a soft moan Ruki lay further back, enjoying the feeling of Kyo's mouth as it moved down his body, caressing his nipples. Ruki's hand reached under the sofa to find the lube that they kept there for nights like this and he handed it willingly to Kyo, who began to coat his fingers in preparation. Using this temporary break from Kyo's affections Ruki slipped out of his clothes, spreading his legs eagerly for his lover.

            Fingers penetrated him and he relaxed to the familiar sensations, smiling as his lover prepared him. The feeling of fingers sliding in and out was relaxing as if they belonged there. Which in Ruki's opinion they did. But then fingers were replaced with Kyo's hard and thick erection and Ruki remembered that whilst fingers were nice, this was so much better.

            As Kyo knew Ruki's body so well, he found his lover's prostrate with every forward thrust. With a moan of pure delight Ruki wrapped his legs around Kyo, pulling himself closer and Kyo deeper happily accepting the hungry mouth over his own. A tongue slipped between his lips teasing his own and his body responded on instinct, his arms now clutching Kyo tightly to him.

            Kyo wasn't moving fast but kept a steady pace which sent Ruki into a state of pure ecstasy. Sex was the greatest sensation on earth. Surely anybody who took drugs for a high must have a terrible sex life? There could hardly be a chemical high as amazing as this felt.

            With a moan of bliss, his fingers wrapped around Kyo's blond hair. He pulled lightly knowing Kyo enjoyed mild pain in their love making but tonight it was enough to send Kyo over the edge, the older man filling him with the wet warmth his body craved.

            “Kyo you're bleeding,” Ruki worried as Kyo pulled away. A couple of the minor cuts that hadn't been stitched had reopened.

            “Just a scratch,” Kyo reassured him. Though it was bleeding enough that Kyo found a tissue to hold against a couple of the wounds as his mouth worked along Ruki's hard length. The worry made it hard for Ruki to cum but it wasn't like he was forcing Kyo to do any of this. Finally, with a soft cry, he found his release and sank back against the sofa with glazed eyes staring at his lover’s loving smile. There was nothing as good as sex to bring out Kyo's softer side.

            “Do you need anything for your cuts?” Ruki worried.

            “No, it's stopping on its own,” Kyo reassured him, pulling Ruki's legs up so he could sit on the sofa beneath them. “Can we watch the DVD now?” He asked, romance really wasn't his strong point but Ruki never questioned Kyo's affections.

            “I love you,” Ruki said as he handed over the remote control after locating it on the floor.

            “Of course you do,” Kyo joked.

            “No, I really love you,” Ruki corrected, “I'm not just saying it.”

            “I love you too Ruki,” Kyo responded, though his words sounded like a practised response to Ruki's ears. He knew Kyo meant it, how difficult Kyo found to say it, but it still wasn't quite enough.

            _I shouldn't have submitted._ Ruki worried, remembering his promise to himself to be strong. _What if he just takes me for granted?_ With a sigh he sat up on the sofa but still couldn't resist Kyo's arm over his shoulders. Reversing their roles wasn't going to be so easy he realised. F _or me to be strong, does that mean I have to make Kyo weak? Do I even want this? Things are so good as they are._

The weeks passed and they settled back into their usual routine, focusing their attention on their work and finding time together whenever possible. Sometimes socialising with friends, more often alone together. It was like nothing had changed, though Ruki hadn't forgotten his aim to be strong. Fine he'll submit to Kyo, but the world? That would have to face the new, strong, independent Ruki. Frustratingly, nobody seemed to notice the change.

            “Haven't you always been strong and independent?” Kai asked after Ruki had confided everything to him.

            “No!” Ruki exclaimed with a frown.

            “But you've always appeared confident to me,” Kai said with a shrug.

            “This is hopeless,” Ruki declared as he took a seat on the sofa. “What am I supposed to do?”

            “Be yourself?” Kai suggested. “Nobody ever had any problems with you before.”

            “Kai, seriously!” Ruki complained, though he knew his pleas were falling on deaf ears. Kai simply couldn't see past the armour he wore to hide his own weakness.

            “Perhaps it's just a sex thing?” Kai suggested, clearly uncomfortable even discussing it, which was rather adorable to Ruki.

            “Perhaps,” Ruki confessed. Would it help? Just to dominate Kyo once? But it wasn't something he wanted either. He loved laying down and feeling his lover inside him. Anything else was just wrong. Except... “Women can be dominant in the bedroom, right?”

            “Of course,” Kai replied, giving Ruki a worried look. “But-”

            “No. This is perfect!” Ruki declared, jumping up from the sofa and giving a surprised Kai a hug. “Thanks so much!”

            “For what?” Kai asked but Ruki, in his rush, had already left.

 

            “I booked a room in a country hotel for Christmas.” Ruki declared as he opened up the take-away cartons Kyo had ordered in for their dinner. He was worried now that Kyo would object but giving Kyo a choice would destroy everything he was trying to achieve.

            “You did?” Kyo asked. “We didn't discuss this.”

            “I wanted it to be a surprise,” Ruki replied. “I have it all planned out.”

            “This isn't like you,” Kyo admitted. When had Ruki ever done anything this big to surprise him? “Not that it's bad. I bet we’ll have a wonderful time.”

            “You hate surprises,” Ruki remembered. No wonder Kyo didn't look happy.

            “Yes but not romantic holidays with you,” Kyo corrected, frowning slightly. “Are you afraid of me?”

            “What? Why do you ask that?” Ruki said, surprised. Where on earth had Kyo got that idea?

            “You've been acting strange these last few weeks,” Kyo admitted. “Like something is bothering you but you won't talk about it. At first I blamed the stress from my hospital adventure. Then I assumed you'd just come out and tell me when you were ready but now, seeing you act like this over a holiday... I can only conclude you're scared of me.”

            “I'm not!” Ruki declared stubbornly. Part of him wondered if Kyo was right, if that why he always did exactly as Kyo asked. No, he wasn't scared, he just wanted to make Kyo happy.

            “Then what?” Kyo demanded. “Something is bothering you and I'm the reason, so just say it. Then we can work through it. OK?”

            “When you were hospitalised it got me thinking, how useless I actually am,” Ruki confessed unable to make eye contact. “So I tried to be strong, and nobody noticed. So now I'm trying to be in charge. Just once. For one night.” Silence descended over the room, broken by Kyo as he began to laugh. The laughter made him mad. Was his pain just a big joke to Kyo?

            “Seriously? That's what's been bothering you all this time?” Kyo finally got out. “I'm so relieved.”

            “It's not funny,” Ruki said pouting, though one glance at Kyo and he found himself smiling. “I suppose I should have said something?”

            “Yes,” Kyo replied as he became calmer. “Why didn't you?”

            “I guess I didn't want to mess everything up by trying to fix something that wasn't broken,” Ruki admitted shyly. “You're so good to me. I have no right to complain.”

            “Stop being so selfless,” Kyo scolded. “There's a problem if you're not happy. Will this trip help fix your fears?”

            “I think so,” Ruki confessed and with a satisfied nod Kyo took a bite of his dinner. “I feel like an idiot.”

            “You are an idiot,” Kyo replied. “But you're my idiot. Plan whatever you want for Christmas, I'll go along with it. Though Shinya might object when we don't attend his party.”

            “I didn't know,” Ruki apologised. “I could rearrange I guess or-”

            “Shinya's a grown man, he'll understand.” Kyo replied, ending the discussion once and for all.

 

            The hotel was a charming building built at the bottom of a forested mountain side, with its own hot spring baths and swimming pool set out to look like a small natural lake or pond. It was breath taking and even Ruki, who had seen the promotional material, was stunned.

            “A pine forest, how seasonal,” Was Kyo's only comment, but he was smiling and staring at the surrounding trees that had all been decorated with white fairy lights that blinked slowly. They'd look amazing at night but even on a cloudy day like today they gave the hotel a magical feeling. A set of twelve glass reindeer stood in the driveway pulling Santa's red sleigh, glittered snowflakes hung in the windows, lights decorated the roof and as they entered the hotel lobby they saw a penguin inspired snow scene that made Ruki gasp in delight.

            “Glittery penguins!” Ruki exclaimed, so delighted that Kyo couldn't help but share some of his joy.

            “Shall we-” Kyo began but remembering this was about Ruki being in charge he fell silent and stood feeling rather useless as Ruki continued to admire the penguins and exclaim over every last detail. This really was a lot more Ruki's kind of trip than Kyo's but he had promised to go along with everything. It wasn't bad to have a few days away with your lover, no matter where you ended up. Pushing the thought of Shinya's party aside, (it had been harder to get out of that than he had let Ruki know), he wondered if he could somehow steer Ruki towards the bemused girl on reception.

            “Oh! He has a tiny present!” Ruki was exclaiming in delight, as the receptionist smiled at Kyo.

            “Do you have a room booked?” She asked him, clearing sensing he was the sensible, mature one.

            “Well...” Kyo began, glancing at Ruki who seemed to be unaware this girl wanted them to check in. “It's under the name Matsumoto.” He said giving Ruki one last hopeless look before heading over to check into the hotel. It was clear Ruki had no idea this was even expected of him, though he somehow managed to arrive in time to accept the keys. “He's Matsumoto,” Kyo explained quickly, as he followed Ruki to the lift where a hotel porter now waited with their luggage.

            The room Ruki had paid for was one of the two luxury suites on the top floor and like the lobby downstairs it excited Ruki more than Kyo would think possible. To be fair to Ruki it was a beautiful room, decorated in reds and golds with Christmas decorations to compliment the room, but Kyo had spent a lot of time in expensive hotels and they didn't impress him that much anymore. Maybe he was just becoming old and cynical?

            “So, do you have a plan?” Kyo ventured, worried at what Ruki might respond.

            “Of course I do! I've been planning this forever,” Ruki replied. “We're going to go see the town now.”

            “That sounds nice,” Kyo replied with a smile. It actual sounded rather dull to him but he had promised to make the effort to enjoy himself. Even if shopping with Ruki often ended up being a nightmare. Still nobody was going to accuse him of not making an effort.

 

            As he sat down for dinner, Kyo felt his will to keep Ruki happy growing thin. For hours they had been looking in craft and tourist’s shops, that all sold the same stupid things. Yet Ruki didn't seem to have the ability to notice. Perhaps it was just him that couldn't see the difference? The other tourists had seemed happy.

            “We should order a bottle of wine.” Ruki decided, the first thing he had said in hours that Kyo could agree with. When Ruki had chosen the wine, Kyo felt irritated once again at his lover’s choice. He really did have trouble not being in charge, he realised, as the wine came and he watched Ruki accept the offered taste instead of himself. He supposed it wasn't bad that he was controlling, except that it was if it had led Ruki to question his own self-worth. He felt miserable so stayed more or less silent as Ruki talked.

            Across the table, Ruki had noticed Kyo's silence but he was holding back his own guilt, hoping that his after-dinner activities would make everything he was putting Kyo through worthwhile. He'd made the decision hours ago, as Kyo sulked in the shops, that it was unfair to carry this out much longer. In all honesty, he wasn't enjoying being in charge as much as he had hoped. It was tiring and stressful and having caught Kyo checking in to the hotel he suspected he wasn't even good at it. He followed Kyo's lead because it made him happy to see other’s smile. That was all it was. His submissive nature wasn't a bad thing. Still tonight he had the power and he was going to use it.

            Finishing dessert and paying for the meal, Ruki whispered his invite to the bedroom in Kyo's ear, getting a genuine smile in return. He knew Kyo was eager to return to the room and truthfully so was he but he acted patient with his lover. Holding back the catch until they were safely behind closed doors.

            “Tonight, you're to be my slave.” Ruki explained. “You will do everything I say, understand?”

            “Interesting,” Kyo replied, his eyes widening as Ruki stripped down to a lace vest and tight black shorts. He was already hardening as Ruki stepped into some boots and bending over to lace them up. He'd never thought of Ruki as a Master but now here he was in the flesh and it was sexy as hell.

            “Strip for me,” Ruki ordered and wordlessly Kyo obeyed. Too aroused and excited to think of any compliment or opinion on all of this. As soon as he was naked, a leather collar was handed to him, which he fastened loosely around his neck before allowing himself to be led towards a sofa.

            “Down,” Ruki ordered and Kyo dropped to his knees, staring up as his master who was retrieving leather and chain restraints he must at some point have hidden behind the cushions. He had to confess he'd watched more than his fair share of bondage porn and excitement coursed through him as Ruki handcuffed his wrists then pulled his arms down to fasten restraints around his ankles. He pulled to test his boundaries finding himself comfortably forced in this kneeling position.

            “Make me hard.” Ruki ordered as he sat down on the sofa, his legs spread wide apart. Taking the hint Kyo moved a little closer and ran his tongue over the bulge in Ruki's shorts, finding the warm PVC smooth against his tongue. As he licked and kissed he began to taste something sweet. Realising Ruki was pouring chocolate sauce over his own crotch he lapped it up with increased enthusiasm. He had no power, and he had it all at the same time, a strange and wonderful contradiction. Realising this he took control and managed to undo the button and zip with his mouth alone. His eager lips moved down Ruki's length, his lover moaning for him now and why shouldn't he? When it came to using his mouth Kyo was sure there was no competition. 

            Lust consumed Ruki, but it was fine to continue like this. He'd been too wrapped up with the idea of a dominant and submissive role within their relationship. There was nothing submissive about the way Kyo was controlling his pleasure and yet was he not in charge? Labels were meaningless when it came to sex.

            His fingers buried themselves in Kyo's hair, his eyes shut and then he came, filling Kyo's mouth with the taste of his pleasure. He sighed a sigh of pure contentment but still managed to climb to his feet and undo the restraints before leading Kyo to the bedroom on the lead he still wore around his neck.

            He handcuffed Kyo to the bed with a smirk and pulled out some lube, surprising Kyo when he coated his length instead of his own. With a wink he stripped away all but the boots and slid himself slowly down onto his lover, taking him easily despite the lack of preparation. He couldn't deny himself this pleasure. It was the very reason he loved men and not women and he knew how much Kyo enjoyed being inside him too.

             Rolling his hips gently he ran his hands over his naked chest, teasing his nipples and licking his own lips before moving down and wrapping his hand around his re-erect length. Stroking himself off as he began to ride his boyfriend with more force now his body had adjusted.

            Beneath him, Kyo watched the show with wide eyed delight. When Ruki had said he wanted power, he hadn't realised it was leading to this! He'd been prepared to let Ruki inside him, he'd go that far to keep Ruki happy, but this suited him better. His hips jerked upwards as he tried to fill Ruki deeper, and his attempts sent Ruki moaning in pleasure. He repeated the action, his wrists straining against the restraints as he tried to get closer to his lover who was now riding him hard and fast. Ruki's hand was pleasuring himself and moving so fast it was hard to follow the movements, but he was close. He could see the pre-cum gathering on the tip. His desire consumed him and he came inside Ruki, who let go and came with him. A shared organism, a symbol of true harmony between lovers.

            Releasing Kyo, Ruki curled up against him, his head resting on Kyo's chest as his lover held and protected him. He felt warm and content, and also incredibly foolish. All his attempts to be strong and mature had failed up to this point but he was finally beginning to understand why.

            “I don't want to be in charge anymore,” Ruki admitted. “It doesn't make me happy.”

            “If you're sure,” Kyo replied, though he was grinning as he said it.

            “I think, I just need to learn how to be independent,” Ruki continued. “So I don't freak out when things go wrong and rely on others to help me.”

            “Sounds good,” Kyo agreed. “But I have to ask, does that mean you don't want to ride me either? That was sexy as hell. Just remembering it will make me hard you know.”

            “I'll ride you again,” Ruki promised then with a sly smile he added, “Just wait to you see what I have planned for Christmas day.”


End file.
